Or, to prove yourself in the 21st Century, 'Go share an idea'. Because, says MF Director Phil Hayes, Co-operation is the rite of adulthood. Whether you are founding an eco-technological spiritual community in California or banging rocks together to make fire and worship the sun, as a human being you are dependent for survival on co-operative social behaviour.

If you are reading this as a member of another species, you might be interested to know that Darwin described the two characteristics of highly enduring species as being adaptability and the ability to co-operate. It follows then that those who achieve a place of responsibility and honour in society are those whose behaviour, teaching and example should promote social cohesion. Such attributes can be encouraged and stimulated in society by the institution of a system in which individuals are guided through stages of development in their behaviour via a system of rites of passage.

My knowledge of anthropology, thin though it is, suggests that in many societies – and once in ours – rites of passage have carried far higher public significance. They’ve concerned maturation and adulthood; and involved such factors as tangible signs of physical maturation, skills acquisition, bravery ordeals ('Go kill a lion') and the gaining of key knowledge. Rites usually carried out in public. Maturing individuals knew very well what it meant – and exactly what it took – to be regarded as an adult.

In our 21st Century western society though, it seems we have all too few meaningful rites. When did you last attend an event in which your personal development and growth as a responsible and evolved member of the community was marked and honoured? If I look back on my personal recent history, the events I have attended which had any kind of recognisable ceremonial significance include the following:

A wedding – strong on legitimising the act of procreation; thin on the responsibilities of parenthood and social responsibility.

A corporate away-day/team-build – strong on appreciation for individuals in a general sense; weak on the open and formal promotion of behaviours that would strengthen the group, e.g. skilful feedback.

A golf club prize-giving – strong on recognising individual achievement and in creating a pecking order of warrior-heroes; weak on social co-operation.

A school parents' evening – strong on the benchmarks of academic progress; weak on emphasising social development.

A church confirmation – strong on ceremony, weak on the actual personal development that is supposed to have occurred.

In any advance we may make in our individual lives, recognition today tends to be in private if not secret. Did you have some kind of public ceremony to mark your last promotion in which your leadership and team-working behaviours were extolled, or was it more a quiet word from the boss in a private office? What important ceremonial ritual in the public domain do we have that tells us anything more than who is in charge, or who the victors are?

Sounds like a job for EI

Facing as we do huge challenges to social cohesion on race, ecology, immigration, crime and poverty, the onus on social responsibility has never been more important if we want to be prosperous and content as a community. We face great challenges too in how best to present ourselves and interact with other nations. Is it not time to start publicly honouring the kinds of behaviours that are going to contribute to the survival and development of our species – to mark, in fact, what it means and what it takes to be regarded as truly grown-up in the modern world?

So, what are the behaviours we need in our families, our places of work and in our society?

I believe we can look to the Emotional Intelligence (EI)* framework to help us identify some of the most important. In essence, the key behaviours are:

Understanding ourselves – intellectually and emotionally

Managing ourselves – our stressors, motivation and personal behaviour

Understanding others – their personalities and behaviours

Managing relationships – creating positive relationships between ourselves and others.

Not a complete list, nor one that embraces or seeks to replace any spiritual frameworks. But what would it be like if families, schools and other public institutions marked the development of people as they grew in emotional intelligence?

Imagine being a child growing into maturity knowing clearly what a healthy society really expects and needs, and receiving clear public affirmation and support at each and every stage of development.

*Emotional Intelligence? Daniel Goleman defines it as: 'The capacity for recognising our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships'. Phil Hayes can expand on the practical application of these values. Call him on 020 7242 4030.