Politically Incorrect Corner

The Disunited States

We’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of Nuevo California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the so-called Slave States.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dolly-wood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss.

We get 85 per cent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the Red States pay their fair share. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 per cent of the country’s fresh water, 92 per cent of the nation’s fresh fruit and 95 per cent of America’s quality wines, 90 per cent of the high tech industry, most of the US low-sulphur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors.

The Red States, on the other hand, will have to cope with 92 per cent of all US mosquitoes.

In the tradition of Futures' editorial balance, a (printable) Red States riposte is of course invited.