Following complaints made to the International Rugby Board about the All Blacks being allowed to motivate themselves by performing the 'Haka' before their games, other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own. The IRB Rugby World Cup 2003 Organising Committee has now agreed to the following pre-match displays:

• The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about how they invented the game and gave it to the world.
• The Scotland team will chant "You lookin' at me Jimmy?" before smashing an Irn Bru bottle over their opponents' heads.
• The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the traditional route from their dressing-room to the pitch, via their opponent's dressing room.
• Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goals-Areas" and then be forcibly removed by the match stewards.
• The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years they will amend the records to show that they were in fact the most important team in the tournament.
• The Australians will have a barbie before negotiating lucrative singing and TV contracts in the UK. They will then invite all their mates to come and live with them in Shepherds Bush